“A ship in port is safe, but that’s not what ships are built for.” - Admiral Grace Murray Hopper

I’m setting sail on a grand adventure. I’ve got a lunch packed, my Mario underwear, some heavy duty black trash bags, and a selection of chainsaws. I’m inviting you along for the ride. There’s limited space available for the forward mounted rocket launchers and the aft harpoon cannons, though, so sign up early!

So what, exactly, is going on (you might ask)? What crazy notion have you come up with this time?

It is the bravest and craziest thing I’ve ever attempted (exception: “5k Nude Bear Trap Run“). I’m going to take the plunge and believe in myself. I’m not going to hedge my bets or play it safe or any of the other euphemisms (like “masturbating”) used to explain away the reason for denying or delaying my journey to greatness.

August 26th is my birthday: The day I came into the world naked, covered in blood, and screaming (which is how I prefer to spend my day, typically). Starting August 26th, I will officially become a full-time illustrator and master of my own fate. No more 9-to-5. No more trying to find the time to draw and create in stolen moments squeezed in next to the demands of being a soul-crushed customer service automaton. My journey to immortality begins here!

At this point you’re probably saying, “Wow Marty! That’s freaking scary… and really cool! What can I do to be part of this amazing change in your life?” To this I say, “I’m glad you asked! It reveals you as a forward-thinking and rather brilliant specimen yourself! I have plans for special people like you. Some of which are even legal. In Mongolia.”

As this grand adventure unfolds, I will want and need the support of my friends. I’d love to talk to each of you who is interested in being either a glorious participant or an innocent bystander to my rabid machinations. (Because innocent bystanders always make the carnage more interesting, right?) I’d really love for you to join me as I make a professional (read: notorious) name for myself. This will be your best and greatest opportunity to fill notebooks with “I knew him when” stories for all those scandalous books I expect you all to write about me when I’m rich and famous. Rich enough to clone all those dead celebrities, and famous enough to get them on my new game show (”Guess How I’ll Die This Time!”).

So, take my hand (no, wait, that one’s not mine… here, try this one) and come along for a magical journey:

I have a guaranteed three months, starting on my birthday. I need your help to make sure this crazy idea lasts. If you or someone you know has been thinking about a commission, a project, a purchase or anything else, now would be the perfect time. I have a lot of work ahead of me and I would love to work with you, so please email me with anything — anything at all — that’s on your mind. I am willing, able, and dying to get started.

Can I do anything else to help? Yeah, thank you for asking! You can show my work to your friends — at least, the ones who won’t get upset. (0_~) Also, you can join my mailing list: I’m going to give stuff away on a regular basis, so that’s a great way to get a head start on free Marty loot!

Thank you for sticking with me this far! Keep your eyes open and hang onto your seats. This is where it gets really good.